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[
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ANNOUNCER:
This is the story of two sisters:
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Jessica Tate and Mary Campbell.
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Jessica lives in a neighbourhood
known as rich.
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Jessica likes life.
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The only thing about life
she would change, if she could,
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is that she would set it
all to music.
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The Tates have more secrets
than they do money.
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We're approaching
Mary Campbell's house.
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Mary, too, likes life.
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Unfortunately, life doesn't seem
to be too crazy about her.
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As you can see, the Campbells
don't have nearly as much money as the Tates.
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They do, however,
have as many secrets.
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In last week's episode of Soap
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Mary realises that Jessica
and Corinne
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are playing something other
than tennis with Peter, the tennis pro.
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Neither Jessica nor Corinne
realise
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that they both are engaged
in a game of mixed doubles.
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Jessica is so overwhelmed
with guilt
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she attempts to confess
her affair to Chester.
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But Chester isn't listening,
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because he's so overwhelmed by his
secretary Claire's blackmail attempts.
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Meanwhile at the Campbells,
Mary has threatened to move out
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unless Burt and Danny
try to get along.
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Getting along with
his stepfather, Burt,
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becomes even more difficult
for Danny
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once the Godfather tells him Burt
was the man who killed his father.
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Since the Mob will kill Danny
if he doesn't kill Burt,
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Danny realises trying to please
his mother will be a problem.
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But Mary's problems
don't end there,
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since her other son, Jodie,
is about to become her daughter.
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Confused?
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You won't be after
this week's episode of Soap.
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Good grief.
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Are you just coming home?
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Shh. Are they still sleeping?
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My goodness.
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You stay out all night,
you sleep all day.
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The only time I get a chance
to clean your room is midnight.
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Come on, Benson.
I got enough problems.
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It's unhealthy,
that's what it is.
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You never see the sun,
you don't eat regular meals.
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You hardly ever even stand up.
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You better get a job, girl.
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[GASPS]
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Oh!
Morning, Ma.
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My goodness,
you're up bright and early.
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Oh, well...
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Well, I was just leaving.
I'm, uh...
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I'm going out to look for a job.
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As a night watchman.
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Well, I'll see you later, Ma.
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Yes, good luck with the job.
Oh, thanks.
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Benson.
Huh?
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Why isn't the table set
for breakfast?
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Because I didn't set it.
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Oh, well, I suppose
that's a good reason.
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And I ain't gonna set it.
Oh, Benson, you have to set the table.
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I mean, we have to eat.
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People in this house
don't eat breakfast.
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They run in, bend over,
sip and leave.
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So that's it for table setting.
Table setting is out.
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Jessica?
JESSICA: Yes, dear.
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Where's breakfast?
The dining room is empty.
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I know, dear.
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We're having a kind of a buffet
in the kitchen this morning.
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Chester, how would you like for me
to make you some waffles?
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Just toast and coffee.
Ah.
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Benson?
Hm?
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Why is it everyone else's toast
is always a nice, normal colour,
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and mine is always black?
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Black ain't a nice,
normal colour?
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I'm talking about toast, Benson.
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Now, why is mine black?
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Because it's burnt.
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Why don't we fire him?
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Oh, don't be silly, darling.
We can't fire Benson.
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What do you mean, we can't?
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Nobody but Benson
would put up with us.
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What are you talking about,
Jessica? We're a perfectly nice, normal family.
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Good morning, Daddy.
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MAJOR:
Where have I landed?
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In the kitchen, you idiot.
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Oh, colonel!
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I was afraid the wind had
blown me behind enemy lines.
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Here, Daddy.
Hi, Gramps.
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There's nobody
in the dining room.
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I know, dear.
We're all in here.
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Could Mommy fix you a nice
bowl of cereal for breakfast?
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No, thanks, Ma.
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You got home
very late last night.
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Yeah, I know. I had a date.
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Uh, you know, Billy,
I think maybe it's time
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that you and I had
a little man-to-man talk.
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Ah, that's all right, Dad.
Benson took care of that already.
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Benson took care of what?
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Sex. See, we also
learned it in school.
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Of course, in school,
they teach us about chickens and fruit flies mating, you know.
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Chester, what would
a chicken see in a fruit fly?
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I don't know, Jessica.
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I don't know why they
have to teach us about animals.
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Benson told it better.
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Well, I'm sure that Benson,
in his primitive way,
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explained things to you.
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But I think it's a good idea if you
had the right view of things.
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The white view?
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Chester, do whites
and blacks do it differently?
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I said, "the right view,"
Jessica.
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Well, I know how it works, Dad.
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Unfortunately, it hasn't
changed my life any.
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He just drank raw eggs.
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You just ate burnt toast.
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Morning, everyone. Daddy.
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Morning, princess.
Good morning, darling.
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Eunice, how would you like
some pancakes for breakfast?
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Oh, no, thank you, Mother.
I'm on 300 calories a day.
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Three hundred calories?
But, darling, what can you eat?
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Nothing. If I brush my teeth twice
a day, that puts me a little over.
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[LAUGHS]
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How would you like a ride
to the station, puss?
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Oh, no, thanks, Daddy.
I'm flying to Washington to cover a press conference.
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Ah. Careful of those
congressmen.
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Too late.
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Jessica, would you tell Benson
to starch my shirts, not my shorts?
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I feel like I'm walking around
with saltines in my pants.
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I better get going, Mother.
I'll be home tonight.
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All right, darling.
Have a safe trip.
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Bye-bye, Major.
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One thing I like about
you Italian women.
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You're very grateful.
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Maybe this evening,
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I'll bring you some nylon
stockings and Hershey bars.
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Mother, this war thing
is getting worse and worse.
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He doesn't even know
where he is anymore.
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His mind...
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Mind! Young lady,
I'll have you know my mind is sharp as candy, thank God.
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Come in.
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[
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Listen, babe, I hate
to rush you, but I got another lesson real soon.
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The real reason I came here
today was to break up with you.
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[CHUCKLES]
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Break up with me?
Yeah.
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I mean, ironic, isn't it?
Yeah.
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See, I mean,
I let this happen once before,
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but I came here today to tell you
I could never let it happen again.
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And then I mean, I no sooner
than get here than I let happen
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exactly what I said
I would never let happen again.
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Yeah, what happens
happens, you know.
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Yes, but I mean,
why did it happen?
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Do you think maybe
I'm in love with you?
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You're not, no.
Well, maybe.
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I mean, my stomach goes
flip-flop and I'm all shivery.
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Oh, that's the flu, the intestinal flu.
I had it myself, last week.
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I think you should go
right home and get to bed.
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Oh, I hope my mother
isn't looking down from heaven at this.
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I mean, this would kill her.
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This is not love.
This is the flu.
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Then, of course, if my mother
is looking down from heaven,
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being very nearsighted,
maybe she wouldn't know it was me anyway.
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Then again, maybe in heaven,
people aren't nearsighted.
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I mean, if there is
a life after death,
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I wonder if you need
glasses for it.
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Mother!
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Corinne!
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Corinne, hello, I...
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I was just at the end
of my tennis lesson.
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See, I, uh...
I take my lessons up here,
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because the lines on the court
make me so nervous.
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That's right, the lines.
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Peter thought of this.
This sort of takes the pressure off. You know?
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Keep your knees
bent now and follow through with the racket.
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Yeah.
Over the shoulder.
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PETER: I think you're getting it.
JESSICA: I got it.
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There, you got it. Good!
I got it.
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I got it.
I think you've got it.
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Yeah, and thank you.
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I got it. Bye.
PETER: See you next week. Bye.
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She's really improving.
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Really...
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improving.
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[
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And you don't have to be
a baseball player to use Ball 4.
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After the game, I always use it
for the game that's coming up.
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And cut. Good.
I think we got it.
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Thank you.
That's a wrap, everybody.
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All right. Thank you.
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Thank you very much.
Well, how'd it look?
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Terrific.
Good.
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Listen, if you need tickets to a game
sometime, just let me know.
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I'll take you up on that.
Hey, how about this Sunday, 49er game?
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Done.
Out of sight. Great.
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That's gonna be a great game.
They got a great defence, toughest in the league.
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All right, Dennis,
what's going on?
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You broke two dates
with me in the last week.
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I told you, I had a terrible week.
I mean, I had a rough game Sunday.
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It's not just that, Dennis.
It's a lot of little things.
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I mean, you're different.
Well, how?
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How? Like Friday night
when we went out for dinner.
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You asked for a table
instead of a booth.
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You spent the whole meal
talking to those people next to us.
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And then you tell me,
"I have a headache."
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I did. I got kicked
in the head in practise.
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Is there another guy?
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Oh, come on, Jodie.
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It's Ralph, isn't it?
It's not Ralph.
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Fine, hey, you wanna be
with Ralph, be with Ralph.
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I mean, the man has
the IQ of an avocado
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and the worst nose job
that I've ever seen.
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It's not Ralph.
It's David, then, hm?
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It's not David.
Because he lied, Dennis.
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He was never Barbra
Streisand's hairdresser.
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00:11:02,160 --> 00:11:03,160
It's not David.
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00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:04,874
It's Bob. It's Bob.
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Jodie, it's not another guy.
Then what the heck is it?
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00:11:07,760 --> 00:11:09,160
Well, it's...
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It's a woman.
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Oh, be serious.
I am.
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Come on, Dennis.
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When you're at the line of
scrimmage, read the blitz.
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Dump it off over the middle,
throw a zing out for a quick six.
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A woman?
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You and a woman?
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Some people wouldn't find
that so strange.
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Oh, I know that, Dennis.
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But, you know, seeing as
you're a homosexual, I would...
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[GIGGLING]
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A woman. Does she know?
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I haven't told her yet.
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00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:42,710
Well, Dennis, when you
touch her and throw up, I think she's gonna be suspicious.
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I'll tell her. I'll tell her.
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A woman!
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What's so funny?
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
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I'm just having a little trouble
picturing it, that's all.
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I mean, what do you do with her?
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Listen, Jodie, it just so happens
I might be a latent heterosexual.
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00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:03,360
Oh, really?
Yeah.
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00:12:03,560 --> 00:12:05,995
Oh, and what makes
you think you have these heterosexual tendencies?
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00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:08,669
Just because you're not
crazy about Bette Midler?
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Look, it has nothing
to do with us.
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I mean, it's just too risky.
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You know, I've only got
a couple of years of pro ball left.
242
00:12:17,680 --> 00:12:20,036
And after that, I've gotta
rely on making money from my endorsements.
243
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:22,516
I mean, if people found out I was a...
Homosexual!
244
00:12:22,720 --> 00:12:24,791
Shh! Shh!
245
00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:28,391
All right. All right.
I'm sorry. Sorry.
246
00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:31,160
But I kind of
figured this was coming, so I worked out a solution.
247
00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:33,960
What?
Well, it's a pretty big step.
248
00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:35,480
Sex-change operation.
249
00:12:36,080 --> 00:12:38,276
A sex-change operation?
250
00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:39,480
[WHISTLES]
251
00:12:40,720 --> 00:12:42,518
Which one of us?
252
00:12:43,840 --> 00:12:46,833
Since you're the quarterback,
I guess it would be me.
253
00:12:47,040 --> 00:12:48,394
You mean, you'd become a woman?
254
00:12:48,640 --> 00:12:51,951
Mm-hm. The doctor said I would
look just like Jacqueline Bisset.
255
00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:55,358
I don't know. This would
solve the problem, but...
256
00:12:55,560 --> 00:12:56,630
But what?
257
00:12:56,840 --> 00:12:59,878
The responsibility.
I don't want the responsibility.
258
00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:02,549
What if it didn't work out
between us, if I left you?
259
00:13:02,760 --> 00:13:05,001
I mean, you'd be stuck being
a woman, and I'd feel awful.
260
00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:08,112
Oh, no, you wouldn't.
You'd be dead.
261
00:13:08,360 --> 00:13:10,317
[
]
262
00:13:15,160 --> 00:13:17,072
[
]
263
00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:20,557
Chester. Chester,
what's the matter with you? You're a nervous wreck.
264
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:23,952
Of course I'm nervous,
Claire. I told you I didn't want to come here.
265
00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:27,119
I cancelled a very
important business lunch to come here today.
266
00:13:27,320 --> 00:13:29,232
Do you know how
embarrassing it would be
267
00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:31,636
if the man I was to have
had lunch with walked in?
268
00:13:31,880 --> 00:13:33,758
And who were you supposed
to have lunch with?
269
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:36,276
Matt Sloan.
Really?
270
00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:40,679
How brave of him to join
you for lunch the day after open-heart surgery.
271
00:13:40,880 --> 00:13:44,999
I mean, to come here,
wired up to all those machines.
272
00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:48,351
What are you talking about,
Claire?
273
00:13:48,560 --> 00:13:50,756
Matt Sloan.
Matt Sloan?
274
00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:53,031
I said Marty Simms.
275
00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:54,833
How can I have lunch
with Matt Sloan?
276
00:13:55,040 --> 00:13:57,919
He's in intensive care,
for God's sake.
277
00:13:58,120 --> 00:14:02,239
Do you think Mount Sinai lets you out
of intensive care for a lunch hour?
278
00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:04,397
[LAUGHING]
279
00:14:06,840 --> 00:14:08,479
Marty Simms?
Right.
280
00:14:08,680 --> 00:14:10,399
Well, it must have been
very important.
281
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:13,832
I mean, since Marty Simms
is vacationing in the south of France,
282
00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:16,191
this must have been
some important lunch.
283
00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:18,796
That's right. That's precisely
how important it was.
284
00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:23,552
Marty Simms was going to hop on
the Concorde to get here in time.
285
00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:26,559
Crazy Marty.
286
00:14:27,440 --> 00:14:30,592
Chester, I've been your secretary
for 12 years. You can't lie to me.
287
00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:32,871
You were going
to have lunch with Pigeon.
288
00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:34,120
Pigeon?
289
00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:37,836
Oh, Claire, how many times
do I have to tell you?
290
00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:39,633
Pigeon and I are through.
291
00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:42,111
Save it, Chester.
I swear it, Claire. I swear it.
292
00:14:42,360 --> 00:14:45,034
Chester, it's been 12 years
I've been doing things for you.
293
00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:48,199
From now on, you're going
to be doing things for me.
294
00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:51,359
The lovely condominium
that you bought me was just the beginning.
295
00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:53,910
I need...
Claire, I really can't afford...
296
00:14:54,120 --> 00:14:56,112
Chester, what you
really can't afford
297
00:14:56,320 --> 00:14:59,074
is an investigation by the
Securities Exchange Commission.
298
00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:02,079
I mean, that's what you
really can't afford, Chester.
299
00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:05,597
Claire, Claire, Claire.
300
00:15:06,120 --> 00:15:08,794
You little hothead, you.
301
00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:12,676
All of this is unnecessary,
you know that.
302
00:15:12,920 --> 00:15:16,197
It's you, my sweet.
It's always been you.
303
00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:18,790
It always will be you.
304
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:21,595
Chester, you
double-crossing,
305
00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:24,116
dirty, lying cheat.
Ah, ah! Miss Teitelbaum.
306
00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:27,194
I was trying to reach you.
Your stock has...
307
00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:29,517
Minor problem in her account.
308
00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:32,280
She's so short that her stock...
309
00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:34,949
I don't know what
you're thinking, but...
310
00:15:35,920 --> 00:15:38,355
Now I know.
311
00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:44,033
Well, so much for Pigeon.
312
00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:47,473
Now, Chester, there is one
last thing I want you to do for me.
313
00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:50,675
What's that?
314
00:15:50,920 --> 00:15:51,956
Divorce Jessica.
315
00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:54,397
What are you talking about,
Claire? I can't...
316
00:15:54,640 --> 00:15:58,270
You've been saying you're
going to do it for 12 years. Now, think about it, Chester.
317
00:15:58,480 --> 00:16:01,359
It's either me and a two-week
honeymoon in the Bahamas,
318
00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:04,997
or Jessica and 10 to 20 in Attica.
319
00:16:06,280 --> 00:16:07,634
So, Chester, what do you say?
320
00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:12,436
What were the choices again?
321
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:14,957
[
]
322
00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:17,952
I just love having tea.
323
00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:21,312
I always feel like
such a lady having tea.
324
00:16:21,520 --> 00:16:24,080
Of course, the way things
have been going lately,
325
00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:28,194
it would take a great deal
more than tea to make me feel like a lady.
326
00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:31,956
In fact, I wonder if I'll
ever feel like a lady again.
327
00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:34,280
Jessie, don't you think
you ought to stop seeing him?
328
00:16:34,440 --> 00:16:36,830
Somehow, I don't think
you're cut out for this.
329
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:38,480
Well, of course, you know,
330
00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:42,959
Scarlett O' Hara
always felt like a lady, no matter what she did.
331
00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:44,310
Jessie, what do you think?
332
00:16:44,520 --> 00:16:46,671
Well, I think it was all the
hoop skirts and parasols.
333
00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:50,191
I mean, how could you not
feel like a lady with all that?
334
00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:52,955
Jessie.
Oh, Mary, I feel awful.
335
00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:56,153
I am absolutely no good
at carrying on.
336
00:16:56,360 --> 00:16:58,113
I mean, some people are
very good at it.
337
00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:00,960
You know, they just go out
and have a good time. But not me.
338
00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:03,117
I mean, when I go out
to have a good time,
339
00:17:03,320 --> 00:17:05,152
I have a terrible time
having it.
340
00:17:06,360 --> 00:17:09,910
Also, Corinne almost caught me
today in Peter's apartment.
341
00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:11,833
No!
Mm.
342
00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:15,636
But I very cleverly pretended
I was learning to serve.
343
00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:19,794
Jessie, don't see him anymore.
344
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:22,993
For all you know, he could be
carrying on with a lot of women.
345
00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:25,391
He could be carrying on
with Corinne.
346
00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:29,350
Oh, Mary, don't be silly.
Corinne is a baby.
347
00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:31,751
Jessie, Corinne is not a baby.
348
00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:35,431
I heard Eunice say that Corinne
doesn't even come home at night.
349
00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:38,070
That's because she refuses
to wear a watch.
350
00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:40,551
She has...
351
00:17:41,240 --> 00:17:45,996
Mary, I'm telling you, Corinne has
absolutely no sense of time.
352
00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:50,353
You know, sometimes she
actually says "Good morning" when it's afternoon.
353
00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:53,394
That's the way she is.
Absolutely no sense of time.
354
00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:56,354
But a wonderful sense
of direction.
355
00:17:57,800 --> 00:18:00,190
Jessie, that's not true.
356
00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:01,516
Sugar, Mary?
357
00:18:01,720 --> 00:18:04,110
Jessie, you know about Corinne.
Cream?
358
00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:07,199
Jessie, Corinne sleeps out.
359
00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:10,199
Lemon?
Jessica!
360
00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:14,796
Jessie, you can't play
ostrich all the time.
361
00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:18,516
Sometimes you have to
open your eyes and see what's going on in the world.
362
00:18:18,760 --> 00:18:20,558
I know, Mary. I know.
363
00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:25,152
And I would, if there were lovely,
beautiful things to look at.
364
00:18:25,360 --> 00:18:26,714
But there aren't, Mary.
365
00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:30,749
Jessie, life can't
always be beautiful.
366
00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:34,152
It can. Mary, it can,
if you think it can.
367
00:18:34,360 --> 00:18:36,317
Besides, even if Corinne
did wear a watch,
368
00:18:36,520 --> 00:18:38,477
she probably wouldn't
come home at night.
369
00:18:38,680 --> 00:18:40,353
You know, it's in her blood.
370
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:44,594
What are you talking about?
371
00:18:44,840 --> 00:18:47,116
Mary, you know she's adopted.
372
00:18:47,320 --> 00:18:48,834
Of course,
she doesn't know that.
373
00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:51,077
But you remember
what her mother was like.
374
00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:56,036
And frankly, I think she's inherited
the trait of staying out all night.
375
00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:59,758
Somehow, I don't think
that's inherited, Jess.
376
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:04,358
I don't know why not.
Eye colour and money is.
377
00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:08,311
Jessie, what are you gonna do?
378
00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:10,398
Go to the bathroom.
It's the tea.
379
00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:12,159
I don't know how
the English do it.
380
00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:14,920
They must be up and down
every five minutes.
381
00:19:15,120 --> 00:19:17,715
No. About Peter.
382
00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:20,191
Oh, I'm never going
to see him again.
383
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:22,956
Really?
Really, never again.
384
00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:25,999
Oh, good.
Jess, that's wise.
385
00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:29,716
And I'm going to tell him, too,
just as soon as I see him.
386
00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:31,999
Jessie, wait.
387
00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:33,953
[
]
388
00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:36,959
And this is my room.
Typical.
389
00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:38,595
Those are hamsters.
390
00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:41,480
No, I thought
they were water buffalo.
391
00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:45,435
So, Molly, I haven't got
all the time in the world.
392
00:19:45,640 --> 00:19:46,960
Are we going steady or what?
393
00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:50,631
Not that it matters one way
or another. If it's not you, it's somebody else.
394
00:19:50,880 --> 00:19:52,758
And why do we have to go steady?
395
00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:55,071
Because everybody is.
It's no big deal.
396
00:19:56,240 --> 00:19:57,469
Okay, fine. Forget it.
397
00:19:57,720 --> 00:20:00,599
Well, I have to think about it.
What's there to think about?
398
00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:03,878
Well, I don't know
if I want to get tied down.
399
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:05,600
Fine, forget it.
400
00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:10,517
Well, this isn't a yes, but if we
were to happen to go steady, what exactly do we do?
401
00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:13,434
I told you. You wear something
of mine and that's it.
402
00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:16,275
What, shoes?
No, a ring or a bracelet.
403
00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:18,233
Do you have one?
No.
404
00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:21,439
Listen, I think next time
you ask a girl to go steady,
405
00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:23,757
you should prepare
a little for it.
406
00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:25,314
Wait, I got it.
407
00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:30,037
You can wear this on a chain.
408
00:20:30,280 --> 00:20:32,556
What is it?
That's a genuine shark's tooth.
409
00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:35,110
Gross! Haven't you
got something gold?
410
00:20:35,360 --> 00:20:36,999
What's wrong with the tooth?
411
00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:42,400
I mean, Judy has Eric's ring
and Tracy has Sam's football charm.
412
00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:44,717
Stephanie has a silver
thingamajig from Ronnie.
413
00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:46,559
Everybody's wearing
silver and gold.
414
00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:49,559
And I'm not wearing
a tooth from a fish.
415
00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:53,794
Okay, fine. I'll get you something.
And if I do, are you gonna wear it?
416
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:56,120
Well, I don't know.
What if I want to date other guys?
417
00:20:56,240 --> 00:20:58,994
What are you talking about?
You don't even date.
418
00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:01,591
And it doesn't mean
you can kiss me.
419
00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:04,878
Who wants to kiss you?
I don't want to kiss you. Kissing is gross.
420
00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:07,549
So, what's it gonna be?
I haven't got all day.
421
00:21:09,120 --> 00:21:10,793
Hey, what's this?
422
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:12,992
I won it for swimming.
I'll take it.
423
00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:14,953
My medal!
Yeah.
424
00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:16,919
That's the medal
I won for swimming!
425
00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:18,674
Do you want to go steady or not?
426
00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:20,639
All right. All right.
You can keep it.
427
00:21:20,840 --> 00:21:22,672
So does this mean
we're going steady now?
428
00:21:22,920 --> 00:21:23,956
Yeah. See you.
429
00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:27,833
My medal!
430
00:21:28,040 --> 00:21:29,997
[
]
431
00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:41,036
Oh, hi, Danny boy,
Am I glad you're here.
432
00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:44,870
I started to make a sandwich,
I got a little carried away. You can share it with me.
433
00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:48,391
Oh, if your mother saw
what I was making right before dinner, she'd kill me.
434
00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:50,671
She always thinks
I'm gonna ruin my appetite.
435
00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:52,599
[STAMMERING]
436
00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:55,520
Danny, Danny, you did it.
You quit the Mob.
437
00:21:55,720 --> 00:21:57,996
And you're giving me your gun.
438
00:21:58,480 --> 00:22:01,791
Oh, I'm so proud of you,
Danny. So proud.
439
00:22:02,680 --> 00:22:05,559
I can't believe this.
I can't believe what's going on here.
440
00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:08,195
Not without the mayonnaise.
It's in the icebox.
441
00:22:08,400 --> 00:22:10,073
Oh, I'm feeling so good.
442
00:22:10,280 --> 00:22:11,680
I swear, I'm feeling so good.
443
00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:15,157
If I could carry a tune,
I'd sing a song. Thank you very much.
444
00:22:15,360 --> 00:22:17,670
What a wonderful day
this has turned out to be.
445
00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:20,435
And I can't tell you
how happy I am about you and me, Danny.
446
00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:23,553
If you think I'm happy,
you should see how happy your mother is.
447
00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:26,720
Of course, she wouldn't
be happy if she saw the sandwich I was... Thank you.
448
00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:28,560
You know, I think
it's all gonna work out.
449
00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:31,754
I mean, so much
has happened today, so many wonderful things.
450
00:22:31,960 --> 00:22:34,873
You know, I think today is
the happiest day of my life.
451
00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:39,836
I know I already said that,
but it's just because I'm so happy.
452
00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:41,992
And this, this looks terrific.
453
00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:44,954
A terrific sandwich
for a terrific day.
454
00:22:45,160 --> 00:22:48,321
Ah, it's almost ready.
And now, Danny, we're gonna have ourselves a treat, Danny.
455
00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:50,278
Hi, Burt. Hi, Danny.
Hi.
456
00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:52,960
Hi.
457
00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:57,918
So see you later, Danny.
You bet.
458
00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:01,560
I can't believe it.
459
00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:05,834
If I didn't see it with my own eyes,
the difference in your relationship.
460
00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:08,760
Oh, it's just night and day, Mary.
Just night and day.
461
00:23:08,960 --> 00:23:10,917
[
]
462
00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:15,915
ANNOUNCER:
Will Jessica and Corinne ever stop to wonder why
463
00:23:16,120 --> 00:23:19,397
they're both learning to play tennis
in Peter's apartment?
464
00:23:19,640 --> 00:23:22,553
Will Jessica leave Peter
and try to make her marriage work?
465
00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:26,555
Will Chester leave Claire
and risk getting sent to jail?
466
00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:29,315
Will Jodie get
a sex-change operation
467
00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:32,200
and try to compete with
his boyfriend's girlfriend?
468
00:23:32,440 --> 00:23:35,877
Will Burt get to eat his sandwich,
or will Danny kill him first?
469
00:23:36,080 --> 00:23:38,390
These questions and many others
will be answered
470
00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:41,559
on the next episode of Soap.
471
00:23:41,760 --> 00:23:43,752
[
]
472
00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:49,917
[
]
473
00:23:49,967 --> 00:23:54,517
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